10 Things Parents Can Do To Support Their Kid in Pursuing a Career in Music, Theatre, or Dance
Young people who give up on their goals for a career in the performing arts often cite lack of parental support as a factor. If you are the parent of a young performer considering a career in music, theatre, or dance - and you are wondering about the viability of such a career - you’re not alone. Chances are, you want to be as supportive as possible, but you have good reason to be concerned… very few aspiring performers “make it”, and it can be hard to imagine your pride and joy living the life of a starving artist.
The myth of the starving artist is perpetuated by ignorance around the performing arts industries.
The truth is, many young performers - once confused - now work in roles they previously didn’t know existed.
When I work with students making decisions like where to go to college, what major to choose, and what career path to aim for, I encourage their parents to take a stance of radical and unconditional support. When they know they have your unconditional support and nurturing, your kid is free to uncover the unique value they possess and how they can harness that value into a fulfilling, living-giving career.
Here are ten things you can do to bolster your own confidence in your child, so you can pass that confidence along to them:
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Commit to unconditional support
Everyone has value to offer the world that no one else can offer. Some people refer to it as their calling. When we struggle to live into our own distinctive calling, it’s usually because we lack the confidence and affirmation required to be who we are in the face of who others expect us to be. Unconditional support is the single most important thing a parent can give their kid when it comes to ultimate success and fulfillment.
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Ask yourself, “Do I trust my kid?”
We are living in a time when trust in the public sphere can be hard to come by. We would like to think that we are ultimately trusting and trusted when it comes to those in our family, but the effects of a culture of distrust can take its toll on even our closest relationships. Is your need to give your input stronger than your curiosity or pride when it comes to your child’s decision-making? Do you worry that they won’t be able to handle things themselves? If you find yourself asking questions like, “How will you make a living?” or “How will you support a family or establish a successful relationship?” - even in your own head - it’s worth it to challenge these concerns.
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Address what might get in the way of you giving your unconditional support
Our perceptions about the world are shaped and formed by the stories we hear and repeat. The starving artist archetype gets a lot of airtime. For some, the tragic nature of his story is romantic. But for many, the undesirability of the starving artist lifestyle is just enough of an excuse to shy away from the risk of pursuing our calling. By taking in other stories about regular people who make a living in the performing arts, we can fill gaps in our knowledge of the industry, redefine what it means to “make it”, and mitigate the anxiety created by the starving artist narrative.
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Recommit to unconditional support
Sometimes examining that which causes us to worry can affirm it. It’s a good idea to remind yourself of how important your support is to your child. When you do, you can replace worry with trust.
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Make a list of your questions
These aren’t the worrisome questions listed above, but questions of curiosity. What career paths are out there that we haven’t considered? What are the schools and majors we should be learning more about? What aspects of lifestyle are of highest priority to you? Even if you and your child don’t answer them directly, asking them will help guide the information you seek out, leading to better decisions.
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Educate yourself on the options
This is how you can start to take in the stories of real, regular people who have made careers in the arts. Seek out other parents. Reach out to performing arts professionals in your area and ask them for an informational interview. As a resource for young performers, I’ve created the ArtsBound Podcast, a show featuring interviews with performing arts professionals from across the industry… it's like a library of mini job shadowing experiences!
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Talk to your kid about money
If you are like most people, you’ve received messages from society that talking too much about money is something to avoid. Whether we have it or not, money is something that can make for strained conversation. When I was young, my parents really struggled financially. I’ll illustrate with a quick story: When I learned that Santa Claus wasn’t real, I cried… not because I was grieving the loss of my belief in this character, but because I felt guilty that my parents had actually spent money on the toys I thought we were getting for free - the most expensive ones. Talking about money wasn’t easy, and so while I because financially conscientious as an adult, I still had some work to do regarding how I thought about and used money. Talking about money demystifies it, and helps us see it for what it really is: a tool to help us live the life we were meant, and to help us benefit others.
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Just for good measure, check in on your commitmenT
Still there? Good!
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Know when to step in… and when to step back
This is a simple concept, but it can be difficult to discern when the best time is to offer help and when your kid just needs space to figure something out on their own. If you are in tune with your own instincts, you probably know how much feedback will be welcomed, but it never hurts to ask them. And remember that what they need most is your support - whether stepping in or stepping back, you can always give your encouragement.
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Know when to seek out help
When I work with families on making these major decisions and preparations, I often see one of two scenarios. In the first, the student has a deep passion for music, theatre, or dance that the parent has nurtured, but the thought of turning that passion into a career is unsettling for the parent; as a result, the student will lose confidence and look into other options OR dig in their heels, creating conflict with the parent. In the other scenario, the parent is largely supportive, but the student, while desiring a career in the arts, is tentative about what direction to take - either out of a lack of confidence, self-awareness, or knowledge of the industry. In either case, a career coach can provide a valuable third-party perspective that may ultimately transform a troublesome situation into an empowering endeavor through which your kid can truly shine.
If you are interested in talking with someone about your kid’s career options, reach out via my contact form, and we can schedule a free call to discuss your situation.